Au Revior 2020

This was an afternoon of walks and treats. An afternoon of laughter and play. An afternoon of quiet and tears. One afternoon that encompasses all that went on in the past year. One afternoon in which we clearly remember all that came to pass in the last 12 months.

I want this year to be done, behind me, a thing of the past. So much awful has taken place this year and I want the magical button of midnight to make everything fresh and new.

And I know, that tomorrow morning I will wake up just the same as I am today.

I will still have stupid cancer. My kids will still have all their "letters" (ADHD, GAD, PTSD, D). My husband will still be sad and frustrated. And we will carry on.

Because while 2020 was hands down, the worst year of them all for us, it also taught us valuable lessons. Lessons of hope and humility. Lessons of grief and joy. Lessons of sharing and vulnerability and bravery. Lessons of empathy and courage.

We can't have the good without the bad. And more than anything, 2020 has taught me to find comfort in the discomfort. To find peace in the midst of chaos. To find light in the midst of the very dark.

I think I've grown a little over the past year... and not just a pandemic waist line. But emotional growth. The kind of growth that understands empathy and boundaries. The kind of growth that shows calm in the midst of struggle and patience in the midst of frustration. It is my hope for myself that I am coming out of this year a little more mature than when I went in.

This year has challenged every aspect of my parenting skills... and my gardening skills for that matter. And I've overcome in both areas. I grew a few peas, tomatoes, and zucchinis and I didn't kill any of my kids...win win! But seriously, I have cried and prayed for my kids more this year than any other. And my heart is still breaking for them. Their struggles are real and not over.

This year has challenged me physically. Being sick, tired, burnt out and still pushing through to live the healthiest I can. And this is not over either.

So I look forward to 2021 with cautious optimism. Optimism because I think it'll be ok, but caution because I think it'll be really super, stinking hard.

There is no magic button that erases bad and makes it all good again. There is no going back to normal, whatever that meant anyways. There is only moving forward, one foot in front of the other. Holding hands with those around you, pulling them out of the muck and they pull you too.

There is no magic but there is love. The love of Jesus, the love of family, friends. The love of community. And together, we make this world a better place when we love wholeheartedly. Together we make this new year a better one than last simply by showing that love. The crap will come and go... and new crap will come...and go. But love, it is made to last.

My hope for you this year, is that you would know love; that you would be brave to love wholeheartedly. My hope is that you would know peace in the midst of your personal trials and joy in the midst of your sorrows.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let you hearts be troubled and do not be afraid". John 14:27

Blessings on you this coming year.