Not a Pro

I am not considered a Pro at anything. Not running, not cooking, not parenting or wife-ing. Nothing really. I’m decent at a few things, but pro level...uh-uh.

One thing, however, that I’m getting really good at, is peeing in the woods. I’ve got it down. The stance. The locations. The speed. This is an area that I’d consider giving lessons, I’m that good.

See, I’ve been running a lot lately and I’ve got the world’s smallest bladder. I also love smoothies and coffee. Put that combination in the woods and guaranteed, I’m gonna need to tinkle.

Before you wonder where I’m going with this, it’s coming. I’m just building myself up a bit... I am skilled!

When you are a woman and you have to pee in the woods, especially when you're jam packed into running tights, things get a little...shall we say... vulnerable?

A few weeks ago, I was on a run with my 6 year old twins. And of course, I had to pee. I told them to go down the trail a little where I could still see them but where there would be enough privacy for me. Do you think they stayed there? Not a chance! Within seconds, I could hear them giggling away while watching me in my precarious position.

Are you squirming yet? Do you get the picture? What does vulnerability look like for you?

Would you be willing to take off your armour and wade into the uncomfortable for the sake of a relationship?

Right now, I have a teenager who spends a lot of time being angry with me. Probably not news to any parent of a teenager. But I'm struggling because in our relationship, I always want to be the one who is right. I want to know the stuff and control the stuff and make him do the stuff.

But when I show up this way...as the knower and controller and maker-doer... I am not allowing him space to participate in our relationship. Yuck!

Brené Brown says this, "Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome."

This is how I want to be. When I talk to my son, I don't want to have "winning" in the back of my mind. I don't want it to be one-sided with me telling him what he should or should not be doing. I want to be curious about him. And sometimes that feels scary. In my relationship with him, I need to let a wee bit of me go and let him take the lead. I also need to let him say what he needs to say... and sometimes that stings a little.

Now to be fair, he's young and still needs some guidance. Don't get me wrong, he's not allowed to walk all over me and be mad for no good reason. But, I do notice that I stop him from emotional growth when I continue to show up as my know-it-all self.

And it's the growth I desire. For both of us. That we would be able to take the armour off...maybe not need armour in the first place...and allow our vulnerabilities show. That our fear over the outcome would be overridden by our joy of being together. That we would learn to have fun together without holding back. Ahhh, my boy, what a love we could have for each other without the armour.

Lowering your guard, sharing vulnerability is what breeds deep connection.

I know it's not the same, but I can pretty much guarantee that if you squat in the woods with a friend by your side, your connection to each other is at a pretty deep level. There's not a lot of people I'd comfortably do this with and I'm considering going Pro. I am not a Pro at vulnerability, but I feel the reward and the freedom (and relief?) of this level of relationship, with friends, co-workers, and family. And it is beautiful.

PS...the photo from today's post is the view from my running pee spot...TMI? I don't know...it's sure a pretty spot.