A Little Bit of Nothing

I am stuck. It doesn't happen often in my super opinionated, know-it-all brain, but I've got nothing. A big ole empty hole where something used to be.

So why write? There's no wisdom to impart, no pithy statements, no humorous anecdotes to share. Nothing.

Nothing except a general sense of needing community. Needing to know that I matter to others and to tell them that they matter to me. And it's not as if my blog and writing are so far reaching that a zillion people can express their love over the waves of the inter-web to make me feel better. But that's not what I'm after.

I'm after the kind of community that supports each other and cares for the needs of it's members. I greatly desire to listen to you, not that I'd know your innermost secrets, but that you'd find a friend in a dark time. And I desire for you to hear me too. It's why I write, it's my version of story telling.

I'm after the kind of community that has space for each of us to grow and change and explore and doesn't shut down those who think differently from how I do.

And I've got it. I've got those people. And I miss them. I miss you.

And I guess the part that I'm struggling with the most is that my current community, the one made up of 7 people all living in this house, is taking a lot of my time and energy. And while that's not bad... I really do love these guys... I just want to be able to give more of me to others too.

Because I like to do it all. I like to be the encourager, the coach, the supporter, the proud friend. But this whole current life change means that I don't have enough to go around.

And that feels lonely and a bit sad... maybe not for you... maybe you're happy that I'm finally shutting up for once in my life. That's ok. I can handle that. But I do grieve the loss, however temporary, of my communities.

So for those in the same boat. For those who resonate with a feeling of tired, helpless, nothingness... you're not alone. And also, you are loved. You are not forgotten. And also for us, these days and the nothing feeling, they do come, but they also go.

So for now, I'm going to sit with my nothingness. I'm going to accept it for the bump in my road that it is and carry on when I can. I'm going to sleep and rest and read a really awful brain-candy novel. I'm going to re-charge and restore myself, so that I'll ready to be an active, giving part of my communities.

And, I'm going to make the teenagers cook dinner tonight. Because, I guess the good thing about my 7 person community, is that I can be the boss.... 'cause they still have to listen to me.