Bringing Back the Chamber Pot

So I think it's fair to say that this family has had a tough few months. It's never easy getting bad news and when you throw in Generalized Anxiety Disorder x 2 or 3 or 4.... you get an emotional mess.

And that's ok. Everybody needs to process grief and sadness in their own way and so we've been encouraging our boys to be sad or mad when they need to. And for the most part, they've worked it through their systems and are now accepting of my cancer and that life goes on.

Except there's a few new behaviours coming out that indicate things aren't quite right in the world. Like pee... in various... dishes. Bowls, water bottles, cups... super neat! Except really not.

So either I have a boy who is single-handedly trying to bring back the chamber pot or he's not able to fully process his emotions. And I'd guess it's the second.

Because when you have an anxiety disorder and ADHD, it's hard to process what you want for lunch. And chances are, you've already sneaked a few cookies, ate 3 bowls of cereal, and dug into that Gatorade you've got hidden in your bedroom and you're just not really hungry for lunch, especially if something healthy is being suggested.

But lunch is still something you can control. Your choice of healthy or not is still in front of you for you to decide on. But when life keeps throwing you things that are out of your control, it knocks you back a little.

And this is what daily breaks my heart but also challenges me to be a better, more understanding mom. The fact that my kids are rolling with punches they shouldn't have to. And I know that life is hard and we can all learn resilience... I say those words every day. But these kiddos, who have waded through the muck of 2020 are my pride and joy. And as much as I don't really feel like I need to clean pee out of carpet and my mixing bowls, I feel like I can give space to sort out really tricky emotions.

And with every decision to dole out grace instead of anger or frustration, I see the trust return to our relationship. I see the relief in their eyes that they can be naughty and not punished but loved instead. And it's mighty powerful.

Because love trumps all. Even stupid, shitty, life altering news. Love trumps it all.