Go Big or Go Home is Not My Guiding Principle

I have been very blessed over the past several years to be connected with an organization called Faithwalking. And at the risk of sounding gushy and over the top, the people I have met along the way and the lessons taught have changed my life completely. I am grateful for each leader and fellow student I've met over these years.

As I now continue on with Faithwalking in the role of a Coach, the gratitude that I feel comes from somewhere a little more unexpected. It comes from re-reading course material and being smacked in face with the content. Not a bad smack, but definitely a reminder that I am not done my journey. I have not arrived at some mysterious destination complete and perfect, and therefore, I need to keep the work and the learning alive.

Yesterday's course content was a great reminder to stay on track. We were talking about declarations we can make to ourselves about how we want to show up in the world. Now, there's a bit of learning that comes before this concept but I'll share my story as an example of what is meant.

I am someone who has big ideas. Big dreams, big goals.. and a big personality to go with it. My family motto growing up was: Go Big or Go Home! And for a really long time, I was very happy to live into this motto.

But recently, it's getting in the way of a few things. And I've noticed that it's actually causing me some pain. And not just physical pain from the half - marathon I trained for... in one day! But emotional pain.

I'm beginning to question what happens when I can't go big? And I've noticed that my fear of rejection becomes overwhelming. I feel failure and self doubt. And I don't like that one little bit. It doesn't feel good.

So to protect myself from these feelings, I have made a vow that I will always show up as strong. To not show weakness. I have vowed that going big, even when I don't have it in me is better than feeling rejection or failure or self-doubt.

Ask me how this is working for me? It's not. This is not a sustainable way to live. I have 5 kids, a husband, a cat, a dog, 4 budgies and myself in my house...and I want chickens... I've been going big... and I'm exhausted. At the end of my rope and worn out.

So what happens when I can't live into the vows that I've put in place? I take it out on others.

I make them go big in my place and then get mad when they don't meet my expectation. Or I get frustrated with them for not seeing that I'm too tired to go big and want a rest.

These vows that I've made to myself are causing a lot of damage. To myself and to those around me. It is clearly evident in my marriage and in my family. And it is devastating. In no way, would I have ever imagined that what was a fun family motto growing up would become a way of being that I would use to protect myself against rejection and failure.

Thankfully, my story doesn't end there. This journey that I've been on comes with hope and joy and renewal and second chances... and third chances... and fourth chances... and more.

But now it is up to me to decide how I want to show up instead of being the rejection-fearing, self-doubting woman with extremely high expectations of others.

So I'm working on my Guiding Principle. The declaration I'm making to myself about how I will be in the face of this Go Big or Go Home rejection-based fear.

It looks something like this: I am secure in my self-worth and will respond with grace and curiosity when met with resistance.

If I am being met with resistance, I think it means that I'm laying things on a little too strong. I'm probably getting worked up about something that doesn't need to be a big deal. It could be resistance from myself to push through a hard situation or resistance from my kids about the food I've made for dinner. It could be resistance from my husband when I tell him I'm taking the kitchen cabinets down... or getting chickens...or goats... or any number of my big ideas.

I am secure in my self-worth. It's quite possible that resistance has nothing to do with me at all. If it's coming from another person, it's likely their thing. A trigger of their own anxiety. Which is why I will respond with grace and curiosity. What is going on in the rest of the situation to cause them to resist? Am I being too big? Are they scared of something? Is there an actual real threat of me with a power tool? If I'm not curious, I won't know the truth. If I can't show grace, they're not going to share it with me anyways.

I have a few other Guiding Principles but this one is front and centre right now. I am very aware of how I am showing up in the ways that I don't care to. So this new declaration is going on the fridge and maybe the bathroom mirror. And maybe I'll write it on my kids foreheads so that when they're resisting me, I'll remember the part about grace and curiosity.

I am secure in my self-worth and will respond with grace and curiosity when met with resistance.

Thank you Faithwalking.us