In Case You're Wondering....

So... in case you are wondering... my life isn't always so fantastic. Things don't always go the way I plan. The roses don't always smell great. In fact, they're usually ripped apart, mangled and extra thorny when I get to them with my bare feet.

And that's how this morning felt.

My 5 year old twins are a complete and utter gong-show right now. They've just started kindergarten and they're exhausted.

And their exhaustion looks like this: biting, hitting, punching, screaming, throwing, crying, whining.... the list could go on for days. It is awful. Oh, and the best part... it starts before 6 am! As soon as these 2 boys are awake they are at each other's throats. And I am done!

I am so tired of listening to it, of reasoning with it, of throwing my hands up in despair that I default to the Mom I most hate to be. The Fury Dragon! This 6 am Rage Machine gets me out of bed and into A's & J's room to utter useless threats at the top of my voice which just induces more crying and more tantrums.... all before an alarm clock has even gone off.... and waaaay before coffee.

Mornings have become brutal!

So this morning, I'm transported back a few weeks to a coaching session where I was receiving coaching. And my coach asked me "What needs to change?"

I wanted to answer, "Separate rooms for the boys, at opposite ends of the house so they never have to be near each other ever again!"

But instead, I sat quietly for a minute. Because I knew the answer. And the answer sucks a little.

I do! I need to change. I'm the one who needs to make the move. Fury Dragon Mom needs to be put away. Loving Mom needs to show her face. And it's so hard. I am not human before 9 am let alone 6 am. But it's still up to me to guide them and model the appropriate behaviour. And if I don't want baby Fury Dragons, I can't be a Fury Dragon Mom.

Ever yelled at your kid to be quiet? Or snapped at them to be kind? Yah, I have. Super doesn't work! EVER! So how would Fury Dragon Mom create calm, peaceful kids? She can't.

And so my work today is to sit alone for a bit and contemplate. What changes am I going to make so that I am not an instant Fury Dragon in the morning? How do I want to show up instead? And if practical changes can't be made, which emotional changes can I put in their place?

So in case your wondering.... things are not always so great. But, doing the work to get to that place... a calm, peaceful, fully alive place.... is more rewarding than being the person I don't want to be morning after morning.