Parenting? Are We So Bad?
- Rebecca Wulkan
- Sep 27, 2019
- 3 min read
Updated: Aug 20, 2020
This past week I was struck with a heavy handed feeling that my parenting skills are really, really awful. And then, as a result of that, my kids may not be turning out the way I’d like them to. So, when faced with a huge rush of Mom guilt, I force myself to step back and take a look at things like a rational human being and not a red-wine drinking, donut downing crazy lady.
Imagine getting up into a balcony and watching yourself live your life for a bit. Take stock of the goods, the bads, the greats and the absolute failures. Get some perspective on what’s actually going on. This is what I did when faced with the parenting failure crisis. (A bit dramatic, but it fits the emotions.)
What I saw was several things that led up to this emotional meltdown of mine. The first was a conversation I’d had with a teacher friend. She’d said, quite innocently and even lovingly, that her job “is to launch kids to life after graduation”. Something in me twigged at that comment. She is, after all, my kids teacher and not my kids… parent. Shouldn’t it be my job to launch my kid?
Secondly, I watched a video of Simon Sinek, found here
It was a great piece, I agreed with a lot of it, but again it had me questioning my parenting. In this video, he talks about Millennials and brings up poor parenting. That one kind of stung. I am doing my best to raise my boys, am I not?
After sitting with these thoughts for a few days, I had a meeting with my son’s counsellor. While she is generally very supportive and encouraging, my time with her left me questioning if how I was parenting was good at all. Thankfully, I was able to bring these thoughts up with her and she did commend me on a doing a hard job well. But still…. the niggling doubt remained.
Sitting up in my balcony seat, I see several things.
One: There is a lot of external influence. With social media, television media, news media, pre-school drama media… we are inundated with ideas and opinions of what we should and could be doing better or different. We are bombarded with messages about who and how our kids should and could be. And frankly, I find it really overwhelming.
Two: Our kids are all different. Our family systems are all different. So why are we expecting school systems and extra-curricular programs to cater to all of our differences? Where is our parenting responsibility so teach our children that differences are great and that despite them, we still all need to respect each other and work together?
Three: If I as a parent am so unsure about my role as a parent, how then is my kid supposed to be confident in their role as my child? There is a great quote from the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland. “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” If we don’t know where we’re going as parents, which road is our kid going to take? If we aren’t leading the way, a wrong turn is inevitable.
So the challenge I’m presenting to myself today is to think about how I want to lead my kids. How I want to show up in their lives so that I am the one taking responsibility for launching them. How I want to teach them respect for others and for themselves.
They are my responsibility. Am I ready to step up and be the parent I want to be?
I like this post. I often thought about how my parents knew just what to do. Yes, there are a few times that I thought they could have done something different. I never was a parent, but I was a guardian of my brother, and there were many times that I hoped I did the right thing. I realized that I had to give it to God to guide me in the right path as well as my brother. I look at your children and see men, and boys with respect for others, a eagerness to learn and grow. They also know love and that is the greatest gift, that you can ever give.