Parenting with ADHD and Cancer

I've just submitted my first blog post for another website....and I'm super thrilled with myself. I'm not even sure it'll be published but I'm just happy that I took the chance and sent it. I thought I'd share it with you.

I think it’s fair to say that 2020 hasn’t been a great year so far. At least of my family that seems to be the case.

I am a Mom of 5 boys. I have ADHD and struggle most days to stick to a routine and not get bored with daily life. Laundry is my least favourite, watering the garden is manageable and running with my dog and 6 year old twins is my most enjoyable activity…and creating things… and finding free stuff on the side of the road…and writing…when I actually finish an article….and avoiding all other useful chores…. I like those things too.

So I need a lot of help and guidance staying on track. I get great ideas for chore charts and meal plans and all the rest, but I generally have to rely on someone else to keep me accountable to follow through with these plans. However, it still seems that these useful tools only last a week or two in my household before I’ve thrown them out for the next latest and greatest idea. This does no one any good. And in fact, my kids and my husband have started rebelling against my new ideas so much, that we now have no system… just general chaos.

We headed into 2020 in this state of general chaos. 4 out of 5 kids struggled with school last fall and so we’d started on the long road of having them see a paediatrician for their own diagnoses. Since March, when school quit for good in our neck of the woods, 2 have been diagnosed with ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder and 2 others are in the process of having their anxiety diagnosed. By mid-May, we were kind of a hot mess with new medications and struggling new routines.

So imagine our surprise when we learned that I have breast cancer. Add that on top of a pandemic, several new diagnoses, homeschooling 5 kids… and my own ADHD.

Needless to say, life has kind of taken a turn for the worse… but alsofor the better in a weird “I really need to be organized” kind of way.

Because there’s no way I can lay in bed and be sick for the next 4 months without a system of some kind. (I’m actually not sure how I’m going to lay around at all but I’m guessing that there will be days that I feel so awful that it’ll just happen).

So system, I’m designing. But because this whole cancer process will be 8 months or longer in total, I am making a system that is manageable and sustainable… something I haven’t yet managed in my life. And more exciting than my system building, I am actually working with my husband in a way I never have before. Because he’ll be the one doing most of the implementing and the managing, I need his input.

In a year that has had more downs than ups, I can see that our family will be forced to pull together in ways we’ve never had to before and that may excite me more than coming up with a new operating system.

I’ve already seen changes in myself that I wouldn’t have cared to notice before. And I’m really proud of them. I’ve been able to include my husband in decision making more than ever. I’ve been able to slow down and have conversations with my kids rather than just dragging them all over town in an effort to find “fun” and not be bored. I’ve been able to think more long term rather than just in the moment.

And for the first time in a really long time, I feel settled. And at ease with life. I’m not looking for my next adventure and leaving a family confused in my wake. And it’s wonderful.

So a year that has hit this family hard, is slowly turning into a great and valuable learning experience. For the first time, maybe ever, I am able to really take a look at myself and see how I affect others and then decide which parts need to change. And while I’m pretty happy with my brain in general, I can see that having a wife and Mom with ADHD isn’t always easy. But then again, being a mom with kids with ADHD isn’t always easy either.

This mess of a family has a great opportunity to really embrace the adventure before us and grow in ways that we can’t even imagine. We could also self-destruct, but I’m choosing hope and joy in the midst of a process that we didn’t ask for and certainly wouldn’t have chosen for ourselves. But a process, none the less, that will stretch us and teach us resilience and maybe give us the actual practical tools that will keep this ADHD family on the right track.

Hope you enjoyed this one... I'm looking forward to sharing this journey with you... however it may look.