The Most Wonderful Time of Year

I spent the afternoon getting school supplies ready. A job I usually relish and attack with vigour. This year, not so much. This year, the whole thing seemed more like a sombre chore.

A year ago, I was on top of the world. I had purpose, I had passion, I had goals and drive. I was going in a direction I had long dreamed of.

My babies were off to Kindergarten, so I had full days to devote to building a business and finishing my Coaching mentorship. I was living in a town I loved, and a house I was looking forward to renovating into my dream home. I started writing my book. Backyard chickens were on the horizon.

But it was a tough one. Actually, it was a hell year.

The twins struggled with Separation Anxiety every day of Kindy. We'd drop them off amid tears and clinging hugs. The teacher would peel them off of us and work to console them. Often there were tantrums and phone calls home. It was discouraging to say the least.

I persevered, did my coaching work, was inspired and working hard to get my business going.

By November, then 9 year old, K was having regular meltdowns at school and was only able to go 3 days a week. While my heart broke for him, I also felt a deep sense of shame about my own parenting skills and our family system. On the outside, I may have appeared calm and collected, but inside I was a hot mess of embarrassment and disappointment.

January came with a renewed sense of purpose as I started my mentorship class. To learn and grow felt empowering and life giving; a respite from the day to day life of fighting to get kids out the door and keeping their anxiety down to a dull roar.

But by March, we were just as frazzled, waiting for spring to be the break we needed. But you know what happened... spring became the break that never ended and brought with it a plethora of Dr's appointments and bad news.

With the official diagnosis of 2 kids with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and ADHD, and my Breast Cancer, we headed into what can easily go down in our history as the worst summer ever.

And so here I sit on my back deck, watching the sunset, trying to capture the thousands of emotions inside me right now. There is so much pain and sadness but mixed in with that is joy and peace.

And hope. Hope that this next season will be a season of healing where the last one was not. Healing in our relationships. Healing in our minds and hearts. Maybe healing in our bodies.

Because one thing I know, however long we are on this planet, there will always be shit going on. We will always make mistakes, we will always have sadness. But there can always be forgiveness and there can always be healing.

So may this season be a season of renewal. Of rising above, of loving deeper, of forgiveness. As I hope for myself and my family, may it also be for you, the most wonderful time of the year.