What the System is Going On?

I'm pretty sure that I've mentioned it before, but for those who don't know this fun tidbit about me... I love Systems Theory. I find it so fascinating and I love reading books and articles about it. And I guess I love writing about it too.

Now, in my life, I've been told multiple times that I'm opinionated. And usually I just smile and say, "I'm Dutch, that should sum it up for you." But this time round, while I'm feeling pretty justified in my opinions, I'm trying to take a broader view and observe for a while.

So, when you combine my love for systems thinking and my tendencies to strong opinions, what you get is strong opinions about the systems currently surrounding me. And what I've noticed, is that they all seem to be in varying degrees of chaos. Which, I guess makes sense considering what's going on with Covid-19 right now... but is the chaos really necessary?

When anxiety hits, we show up in one of four ways: over or under function, conflict, distance, & triangles. (send me a message if you want more info on this)

I am generally an over-functioner... which is probably why I love my opinions so much - they spur me into action and I come up with any number of ways to solve the world's problems... until the time comes for me to be too exhausted from all my hard saving-the-world work, and I crash and under-function. Which means I then stop having opinions, sabotage any plans I had going on, and watch a lot of stupid tv for about a week... until my cycle can start over again. (It's not been deemed a particularly helpful way to live, but it's been mine for quite a while now.... I'm working on it).

What we can watch in the anxious systems around us, is how different people show up in the different ways. Think about the people in your own family... I'm pretty sure you can pick out all the different types of anxious tendencies. And sometimes, just for a little anxiety fun, we choose more than one way to show up... just to keep us all on our toes I guess.

So if we're all humming along in our own anxious tendency of choice, at what point is our system going to blow up? At what point will there be too much friction for the system to continue functioning?

We are all connected. Our family systems overlap with our neighbourhood systems, with our community systems, with our city, province, country systems. Our work systems are inter-connected. Our schools, our churches. There is no member of the human race that is outside of a system that is somehow connected to another system. Systems have importance. And healthy systems are needed so they don't self-detonate.

So I guess what I'm struggling with and wondering about is how are we going to turn the current anxiety ridden systems around to become calming and peaceful systems. Can I be someone who puts my own opinions aside to aid a bigger cause? Can I be someone who takes a good hard look at how I show up in the midst of anxiety and make the necessary changes so I can show up as a calming presence instead?

It's easy for me to sit and be opinionated in my house, in my yard, with my job and my food and my pay check, with my healthy kids and my ocean view. It's easy for me to homeschool my kids with the numerous supplies I have at home. It's easy for me to judge the decisions of others on the other side of my country... because I'm not there!

I'm not wandering around mass graves, fearing for my own life because death is literally on my doorstep. So it's easy to be harsh with those who appear to be giving in to fear and living in an isolated paranoia. Because their fear is real and danger is imminent.

So, what can I do from my safe and healthy place? I can practice being calm. I can practice seeing my own anxieties at play and changing my posture to be more kind and gentle with those who are truly suffering in a way I can't understand. I can be grateful for this time that I have to look inside my heart and frankly, I can grow up... in the emotionally mature way.

Because when this reality is all over... whatever that even means... I can be part of the solution to rebuild healthy systems. I can be part of the solution of caring for those who lost their businesses by using my God-given money more wisely and giving to others. I can be part of the solution of caring for our burnt out healthcare workers by looking after their kids or dropping them off a bottle of wine. I can be part of the solution of gathering neighbours together to form stronger neighbourhoods, and stronger communities and a stronger city... and so on.

Because ultimately, this isn't about me. Even with my brilliant, world-saving ideas. This is about everyone in the system... which equals everyone in the world right now. So for now, I need to lay aside my over-functioning way of showing up and practice what it means to be calm. While anxiety stirs up fear, calm dispels it. Peace can prevail... I just need to put my own self aside to let that happen.

I am right worked up. I see right and wrong and good and bad. And I am torn as to how I think the government should proceed through this crisis. But I am helping no one by staying worked up, running my mouth & having my opinions if I'm not bringing calm with me. And what I'm learning is that I can't be worked up and calm at the same time... so I'm choosing calm.

I'm choosing calm so that when you are stressed and scared and anxious, you can look in my eyes and see peace. Right now, that's my role in the chaos of the systems around me... to bring calm.